How to parent effectively after a divorce?

James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC

The answer is as simple as it hard.

What is in the best interest of the children?

Remember, it is not about you or your ex! It’s not about who lied, was uncivil, disrespectful or unfaithful. It’s about making this difficult time in your children’s life as easy as possibly under extremely difficult circumstances.

It goes without saying, physical  abuse, alcohol, drug abuse, neglect, endangerment or what ever the reportable event will require legal authorization for supervision, limits and boundaries. Despite the obvious, each parent must ask themselves:

Am I doing all I can do?

Act accordingly, despite the feelings involved. The following provide a point for self-reflection. What is in the best interest of the children?

1. Try to parent as a team. Co-parenting can be difficult at best after a divorce. However, I have seen many couples who still attend family functions together and make a point of going out to dinner as a family on occasion. It goes without saying that they will swap visitation dates when their schedules dictate. This is more common then you might think. Regardless of the state of your relationship, try to be more cooperative. Try to made a little easier for the children. It can be done if you really are interested in doing what is best for the children.

2. Communicate with civility and respect. Remember the walls have ears. No badmouthing your ex. No matter how angry you are; you still need to do what is in the best interest of the children.
There are several apps that help couples collaborate on their schedules and calendars. These apps give parents the ability to coordinate their schedules in order to stay on the same page. This can be very useful when there is still tension with your ex.

3. If your ex grounds a child, you should honor that decision and continue it even if it’s your weekend. I do recommend that there be parameters put on such consequences.

4. Don’t bring a new love interest around the children. Some people ask me for a time when it’s OK to bring someone around. I think it depends on the children and their age and how they are adjusting to the divorce. If I’m forced to give a time, I say one year. Parents really need to examine their own feelings and keep those emotions separate from what is in the best interest of the children.

Zoom! Now I can work via Zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS carrier for details.

For those in the metropolitan Chicago area, I have offices in Millennium Park on Michigan Avenue, and near 22nd St and Wolf Road in Westchester. Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://manageyourmood.net
http://family-institute.org
http://psychologytoday.com
http://takenotelessons.com   Effective on line, one on one, SAT, ACT, GRE, standardized test preparation, via face time or skype.

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

Comments 97

  1. dep of education

    An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment. I think that you need to write more about this issue, it may not be a taboo subject but typically folks don’t talk about these topics. To the next! Many thanks!!

  2. island

    Great topic. I need to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for excellent information, I was looking for this information.

  3. health and fitness

    Hiya, I am really glad I have found this information. Today bloggers publish only about gossips and net and this is actually frustrating. A good website with interesting content, this is what I need. Thanks for keeping this web site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can’t find it.

  4. drinks

    I just want to mention I’m all new to blogs and certainly savored you’re web site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your site . You surely have good writings. Appreciate it for sharing your web page.

  5. ford esford

    I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an nervousness over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

  6. Plumbing

    Usually I do not learn article on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do so! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, very great post.

  7. Folk Art

    Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us you really recognise what you are talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly additionally seek advice from my site =). We may have a hyperlink alternate contract among us!

  8. The Business

    Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was looking for this certain info for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  9. Family Happiness

    I enjoy you because of every one of your efforts on this blog. My mum enjoys conducting investigations and it is easy to understand why. We all notice all of the lively mode you make priceless things via your web blog and even foster response from website visitors on this issue while our own girl has always been learning so much. Have fun with the rest of the new year. You are performing a really good job.

  10. Department

    I was just searching for this information for a while. After 6 hours of continuous Googleing, finally I got it in your website. I wonder what’s the lack of Google strategy that don’t rank this kind of informative web sites in top of the list. Generally the top sites are full of garbage.

  11. Paid Surveys

    You could certainly see your skills within the paintings you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  12. Inexpensive Cars

    Thank you so much for giving everyone remarkably brilliant opportunity to read from this blog. It can be so good and also packed with amusement for me and my office friends to visit the blog minimum thrice in one week to learn the newest stuff you will have. Not to mention, we’re usually motivated considering the wonderful principles you give. Certain 3 areas on this page are essentially the simplest I’ve ever had.

  13. Lyndia Doggette

    Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information particularly the last part I care for such information a lot. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  14. Eugenio Delamora

    That fantabulous post this has been. Within no way seen this kind associated with useful post. I’m grateful to you and anticipate much more associated with posts such as. Thank you very much.

  15. Related Homepag

    I just could not leave your website prior to suggesting that I really loved the standard information a person provide for your visitors? Is going to be again steadily to investigate cross-check new posts

  16. higclass

    I just want to mention I’m all new to blogs and certainly savored you’re web site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your site . You surely have good writings. Appreciate it for sharing your web page.

  17. kobe shirts

    Appreciating the time and energy you put into your site and in depth information you present.
    It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material.
    Excellent read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  18. is cbd good for athletes

    Admiring the time and energy you put into your blog and in depth information you offer.
    It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed information. Excellent read!
    I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to
    my Google account.

  19. get phone number

    I have been surfing online greater than 3 hours nowadays, but I never found any attention-grabbing article like yours. It is lovely value sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers made good content material as you did, the internet will be a lot more helpful than ever before.|

  20. dewapoker

    *This is really fascinating, You are a very professional blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and sit up for searching for more of your great post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks!

  21. Pipedrive

    *I really got into this article. I found it to be interesting and loaded with unique points of interest. I like to read material that makes me think. Thank you for writing this great content.

  22. Vickiewosezu

    Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative.
    I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future.
    Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  23. Linwood Gordinier

    Hi there! This article could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I most certainly will send this information to him. Fairly certain he’ll have a very good read. Many thanks for sharing!

  24. view

    Hello there, You’ve done a great job. I’ll definitely digg it and for my part suggest to my friends. I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this website.

  25. Learning Letter L helpful site

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to search out anyone with some original ideas on this subject. realy thanks for starting this up. this website is one thing that’s wanted on the net, somebody with a little originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the web!

  26. Visit

    Hey there, You’ve performed an incredible job. I’ll certainly digg it and in my opinion recommend to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this web site.

  27. Increase Domain Rating

    Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!

  28. Business News

    Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too fantastic. I really like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it smart. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is really a great site.

  29. Mutual Fund

    That is the right weblog for anybody who wants to find out about this topic. You notice so much its nearly onerous to argue with you (not that I really would need…HaHa). You undoubtedly put a new spin on a subject thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just nice!

  30. Hosea Geng

    Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It will always be useful to read articles from other authors and use something from other sites.

  31. pool repairS

    *Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely comeback.

  32. Etsy Marketing

    Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!|

  33. tree trimmers fort worth

    I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.|

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *