All posts by James DelGenio

Individual, Family, and Couples Counselor with over forty years of experience as therapist, author, and continuing education provider.

Don’t let a lack of civility and respect destroy your relationship!

By: James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC
Senior Staff Therapist,
The Family Institute at Northwestern University      

No relationship will last if there is a lack of civility and respect. 

All couples need rules of engagement for conflict. When a couple loses civility and respect their relationship is in serious trouble. They feel distant, disconnected and as a result, bickering occurs.

Case Scenario – Tony and Julie
Tony and Julie have been married almost two years. Tony is thirty-two; Julie is thirty. They have one child who is one and a half years old. Tony’s parents divorced when he was 6 and Julie’s parents are still married but have never had a good relationship. Tony and Julie dated for almost three years before marriage, but they never learned how to resolve conflict. Both are determined to win the argument. When this happens, no one wins. The baby has not helped the situation because he has colic. The resentment is building because of unresolved issues which are now affecting their level of intimacy. Arguments turn into history lessons in which the conflict is never resolved and never focuses on the issues at hand. They recognize their marriage is in trouble. Tony and Julie want to find their joy again and address issues before they end up divorced.

After getting the necessary preliminary information, I acknowledge the stress that they are experiencing and try to reestablish civility and respect when in conflict. No couple can withstand loss of respect. I point out that it will take some time to change their communication habits. When one or the other fails at respect, I encourage them to immediately say “I’m sorry; I should not have said that” as a step in the right direction of not having lost respect in the first place. Time out is the signal that this conflict is going nowhere but the rule of time out is that you have to get back to the issue within twenty-four hours. Hopefully, with a day to reflect on the discussion, it will be more productive. If that fails then they are instructed to save the discussion for our next appointment. I also look at how long it has been since the baby was born that they have had a night out together. In most instances, they have had no time out together because they have no babysitter that they trust. I encourage taking the time to find a babysitter; bring in the sitter and let them get to know one another under the parents’ supervision. Their goals also include a date night at least twice a month if possible. It may take three or four sessions to begin to see some changes but more often than not they will start to see better communication and less conflict.

Poor Communication
Many marital problems are rooted in poor communication. As seen above, effective communication between partners can be learned and developed.

When communication is poor and feelings go unsaid or unaddressed, the couple feels disconnected. Over time, this leaves them feeling distant, even resentful. Resentment creates a further distance which in turn creates a lack of civility and respect and a lack of intimacy.

Good communication is often oversimplified as just being romantic. It is not. Good communication involves the sharing of ideas and feelings. Good communication is made possible by means of trust, confidence, and mutual understanding.

Try to convey to your spouse the importance of expressing their feelings, even though they may think it’s silly. Explain how important it is to you and how it makes you feel. Explain to them how never knowing how they feel about this or that, confuses you and makes it more difficult for you to feel connected.

I encourage both men and women to use “I feel” statements. This allows the couple to say things that have in the past created conflict when sentences are started with: “You always” or “You never”. Never say never or always. This is known as skidding into other issues or a history lesson into the past and therefore a minor conflict is never resolved and may even be magnified.

Zoom!
Now I can work via secure zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.  Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://jamesdelgenio/com
http://family-institute.org
http://psychologytoday.com
http://takenotelessons.com    Effective online, one on one, SAT, ACT, GRE, standardized test preparation, via face time or skype and much more.

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

How to address common relationship issues?

By: James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC
Senior Staff Therapist,
The Family Institute at Northwestern University

Common relationship issues
For a vast majority of the individuals, families and couples there are common conflict themes. These include mood disorders, lack of civility and respect, resentment, poor communication, lack of intimacy, infidelity, alcohol and substance abuse, financial and parenting issues to name a few. One thing is certain, there is no guarantee of “happily ever after” especially in this day and age when so many things can get in the way of your relationship. Relationships take work and attention to ensure a good marriage. Life has a way of interfering in our relationships. Couples can get lost in the day-to-day grind of life. We have to make time for one another to keep our connection strong; planning is key. Many of the common issues listed here are addressed in the following case studies.

Case Scenario- Depression – Dan and Wendy
Dan and Wendy have been married for 14 years. They dated for three years prior to marriage. They have three children ages 6, 9 and 12. Dan’s mother has a history of mood disorder though it was never formally diagnosed. She lives in the past having never gotten over the infidelity of her husband, their subsequent divorce and his marriage to the other women. His Dad is a recovering alcoholic. Dad has been sober for ten years but he is difficult to get along with as his second marriage is also an unhappy one.
Dan is currently unemployed because he can’t get along with co-workers. He has no friends; all have abandoned him because of his temper. Dan tends to hold grudges and he writes people off if he perceives that they have wronged him. He has few interests and spends his time surfing the internet or playing video games. Dan lacks motivation and drive and his concentration is poor. He stays up until four or five in the morning. Wendy is scared because he is unmotivated to look for work and they are now in financial trouble. They bicker over his alcohol use and his inability to share his feelings.

My assessment indicates that Dan has many of the classic signs for clinical depression, his symptoms include lack of motivation and no friends. He isolates himself and his sleep wake cycle is reversed. He is up most of the night and sleeps most of the day which is a way of avoiding people and responsibility. He has been drinking more than usual. Wendy made the appointment and Dan was reluctant to join her but he did. I asked that Wendy come in even if Dan says that he won’t come. Invariably the husband will ask about the appointment. I suggest when asked, “If you want to know you’ll come with me next time.”

I gave Dan the list of depressive symptoms and asked him to put a check next to those that applied to him. He checked 8 of the symptoms listed. I encouraged him to have a psychiatric evaluation for medication to address his depression and use of alcohol to self-medicate. The doctor put him on the appropriate medication. I worked closely with the doctor to ensure a unified treatment approach. Goals were set for him and for them as a couple.

First part of his education was learning about his depression. I pointed out that it was not his fault. More than likely he inherited this from either one of his parents. To start him on his path to recovery, I encouraged him to have more structure in his day. That meant getting up at 8pm and going to bed no later than eleven thirty. He was also to take a walk at least 4 times per week for forty minutes since they could not afford a gym membership at this time. Part of creating his plan was to pick the days that he was to walk each week. He was also encouraged to reconnect with his friends and to avoid the use of alcohol. After a few weeks on the medication, he began to feel better. In the meantime, I continued to educate both he and Wendy about his depression. Once Dan was feeling better, we began to address the marital issues created by his depression. He was encouraged to make “I feel statements”. These types of statements help address emotional withdrawal by allowing the partner to understand what their loved one is thinking and feeling, ultimately helping them feel more connected. Saying “I feel,” is also a signal to alert Wendy that Dan is trying to communicate effectively. Hopefully this signal will help both Dan and Wendy to be less defensive in their communication.

I also encouraged a date night at least twice per month and advised that these dates do not have to cost a lot of money. Just getting out together, walking or going for coffee or ice cream was fine. The idea is to spend some quality one-on-one time.

Mood disorders are a chemical imbalance in the brain but also include environmental issues and personality traits. About one in seven individuals will at some point in a marriage experience it. Situational depression is created by marital conflict, job loss, grief and ongoing health issues. These will surely affect your relationship.

Many disconnects in a relationship begin when with mood disorder, alcohol or substance abuse and situational depression. If these issues are not addressed, it is unlikely that progress will be made in couples counseling.
Many studies show that there is usually a history of mood disorder or alcoholism on one or both sides of the family. It is imperative that the therapist be direct with their clients about the assessment and encourage a psychiatric evaluation to determine if medication is appropriate. Once this is addressed, it is very possible to resolve many of the couple issues.

Zoom!
Now I can work via zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.  Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://manageyourmood.net
http://family-institute.org
http://takenotelessons.com    Effective online, one on one, SAT, ACT, GRE, standardized test preparation, via face time or skype and much more.

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

The benefits of premarital counseling

James E DelGenio LCPC

Senior staff therapist The Family Institute at Northwestern University

Premarital counseling can help ensure that you and your partner have a strong, healthy relationship. This will give you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage. Premarital counseling can also help you identify weaknesses that may become larger problems during marriage. Good marriages don’t happen by accident. Many issues can be resolved prior to marriage with the help of a therapist. Common issues addressed may include: mental health issues, work, finances, drug and alcohol use, lifestyle, spending habits, credit card balances, student loans, savings, retirement planning, roles and responsibilities, children, parenting, in-laws, and leisure and fun. Marriage requires an understanding of yourself, your future spouse, and the tools and skills you need to make it work.

Does your significant other have a Mood Disorder?
Some moodiness is a part of everyone’s life; sometimes we feel happy, other times we are sad; some days we have lots of energy, while at other times we may be fatigued and unmotivated. When mood changes interfere with your ability to function, work or go to school, when they harm your relationships significantly, when they cause you to miss sleep, abuse drugs, or behave in ways you later regret, or when they lead to risky behaviors, thoughts of suicide, or losing touch with reality, your mood requires professional attention.

If this sounds like you’re intended. All is not lost. The key factor in this decision is Denial. If your partner tends to deny issues now, do you really think it is going to get better later?

I find that most premarital couples are well aware of their intended’s mood and alcohol/substance issues. My main questions are as follows:
Is he/she:
• Willing to seek help? individually? together?
• In need of psycho-education?
• Willing to take medication, if prescribed?
• Willing to honestly address alcohol and substance abuse issues?
• Willing to see a therapist for relationship issues and support?

Rules of Engagement
All couples need rules for fighting. The most important rule is civility and respect. This, of course, means no hitting or throwing ever. If there is physical violence, you must call the police. Beyond that essential rules are no screaming, swearing, or name calling ever. This is destructive and may lead to your undoing as a couple. Couples need to work on resolving conflicts in their relationship with civility and respect so that bitterness and resentments can not build. It is possible to argue, resolve conflicts, and agree to disagree. In order to do this, all couples need rules of engagement for conflict. Establish your rules!

Finances and Spending
One of the biggest causes of problems in relationships is differences in values and goals and habits when it comes to money, and especially communication about money issues. That old saying is true …. money can’t buy you love, but it sure can tear it apart.

This makes a discussion of finances necessary before marriage. Learn how to talk about money, and align your financial goals such as retirement, savings, spending, debt, and disposable income. If you can do those two things, you’ve done more than most couples, and you’ve done a lot to start your relationship off on solid ground.

I therefore, recommend meeting with a financial planner to discuss issues such as spending, use of credit cards and financial goals. Goals should include the following: savings, pension contributions, retirement planning, debt, discretionary spending, school loans and the use of credit cards. How will you handle school loans and debt brought into the marriage? How much money can be spent without consulting the other. I usually recommend $100 to $300.

Family Ties and In-laws
A family is made up of many unique individuals, each with a range of thoughts and opinions on almost every subject and situation. Add to the mix extended family with their countless beliefs and personal opinions and there is no wonder there are disagreements from time to time. Conflict is simply the natural and healthy progression of any relationship

Some questions to explore – What sort of relationship do you have with your extended family? Are they local? Do they like your fiancée? Are they affectionate? Are they over-involved or critical? Have there been any major conflictual issues?

I suggest that couples begin to see themselves as their own family unit. When addressing family of origin, always say that “we” will have to discuss the event or holiday and that he or she should respond to their own family unit. This is especially true once children enter the picture. Now consider, if you want to see us come over………  This way the kids don’t have to get up open presents and get in the car! Now your doing what is best for family.

Religious Beliefs
This potentially contentious issue should always be discussed in premarital counseling. The first step is to seek a better understanding of your future spouse’s religious and spiritual background.
Topics to look into are:
• How to reconcile differing ideologies and practices
• How to observe and celebrate each other’s holidays
• How to raise children so that they are exposed to both partners’ traditions without being overwhelmed and/or confused
• How to integrate both extended families, especially during the wedding/holidays

Case Study:

Mark is not religious; Eileen is and expects to go to Church every week. What if they did marry and had children; would Mark go to Church then?
What if Mark is Catholic and Eileen is Jewish? Will one of you convert? Does it matter at all? What will the respective families say? That is a big question especially in regard to child rearing.

“What do you mean; you are not going to raise the baby Catholic? Jewish?” For some, the consequences of that decision may be long lasting or a deal breaker. It is clearly better to decide before marriage and tell both families about your decision. In discussions with the extended families, always use the phrase “we” have decided.

Children and Parenting
Do you want children? How many and when? Are there already children from previous relationships? Have you discussed blended family issues? What do you expect from your spouse regarding parenting/step parenting roles? When a problem arises, how does my partner communicate? What are the responsibilities of each parent in raising a child?

I strongly recommend that you have two to four years together as a couple before you have children. This time is critical, it gives you the opportunity to get to know one another as a married couple.

Children don’t bring you closer together; they create stress and sometimes distance especially if you and your intended are not on the same page regarding roles and responsibilities. And even more stress when ex’s and step in-laws are in the picture.

Blended families have a lot to discuss: the ex, custody issues, the in-laws, parenting, finances, loans, debt, child support, etc.. They especially need premarital counseling. I am surprised at how often these have not been fully addressed.

I believe that the children don’t come first; your relationship comes first. Now I know that is not true but if you divorce, it will be children that suffer most. Of course, my point is don’t forget to make time for your relationship after you have children. Planning for alone time or date night is a key component in addressing this issue. Take turns planning so the wife isn’t doing it all. But above all – Parent as a team! Be consistent with consequences. Discuss issues prior to discussing them with the children. What to say and how to say it.

Work, Lifestyle, Leisure and Fun
What sort of lifestyle do you want? Will you both continue to work when children are born? Do you have the same idea of what is fun? Where will you want to live?

Today most couples are comprised of two working parents. Couples want to maintain or improve the lifestyle they had going into the marriage. This is difficult in today’s economy and job market. For the first time in history, couples may not meet or exceed their parents’ lifestyle. The common expectations of employment today are long hours and work from home in the evening and on the weekend. This reduces quality time together. These forces necessitate compromise and making the most of the time you have together. Planning mutually enjoyable activities and social events and balanced with appropriate alone time is a key component in maintaining a strong relationship.

Final Thought
You may not feel you NEED premarital counseling, but it is still wise choice to consider. You may be on cloud nine with the impending marriage but counseling may help bring up and resolve some difficult topics. Better to discuss issues before marriage then with a divorce attorney later.

Zoom!

Now I can work via zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.

Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://manageyourmood.net
http://family-institute.org
http://psychologytoday.com
http://takenotelessons.com   Highly effective on line, one on one, SAT, ACT, GRE, standardized test preparation, via face time or skype.

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material with your doctor and therapist.

Why you need Premarital Counseling.

James E DelGenio LCPC

Premarital counseling can help ensure that you and your partner have a strong, healthy relationship. This will give you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage. Premarital counseling can also help you identify weaknesses that may become larger problems during marriage. Good marriages don’t happen by accident. Many issues can be resolved prior to marriage with the help of a therapist. Common issues addressed may include: mental health issues, work, finances, drug and alcohol use, lifestyle, spending habits, credit card balances, student loans, savings, retirement planning, roles and responsibilities, children, parenting, in-laws, and leisure and fun. Marriage requires an understanding of yourself, your future spouse, and the tools and skills you need to make it work.

Does your significant other have a Mood Disorder?
Some moodiness is a part of everyone’s life; sometimes we feel happy, other times we are sad; some days we have lots of energy, while at other times we may be fatigued and unmotivated. When mood changes interfere with your ability to function, work or go to school, when they harm your relationships significantly, when they cause you to miss sleep, abuse drugs, or behave in ways you later regret, or when they lead to risky behaviors, thoughts of suicide, or losing touch with reality, your mood requires professional attention.

If this sounds like you’re intended. All is not lost. The key factor in this decision is Denial. If your partner tends to deny issues now, do you really think it is going to get better later?

I find that most premarital couples are well aware of their intended’s mood and alcohol/substance issues. My main questions are as follows:
Is he/she:
• Willing to seek help?
• In need of psycho-education?
• Willing to take medication, if prescribed?
• Willing to honestly address alcohol and substance abuse issues?
• Willing to see a therapist for relationship issues and support?

Rules of Engagement
All couples need rules for fighting. The most important rule is civility and respect. This, of course, means no hitting or throwing ever. If there is physical violence, you must call the police. Beyond that essential rules are no screaming, swearing, or name calling ever. This is destructive and may lead to your undoing as a couple. Couples need to work on resolving conflicts in their relationship with civility and respect so that bitterness and resentments can not build. It is possible to argue, resolve conflicts, and agree to disagree. In order to do this, all couples need rules of engagement for conflict. Establish your rules!

Finances and Spending
One of the biggest causes of problems in relationships is differences in values and goals and habits when it comes to money, and especially communication about money issues. That old saying is true …. money can’t buy you love, but it sure can tear it apart.

This makes a discussion of finances necessary before marriage. Learn how to talk about money, and align your financial goals such as retirement, savings, spending, debt, and disposable income. If you can do those two things, you’ve done more than most couples, and you’ve done a lot to start your relationship off on solid ground.

I therefore, recommend meeting with a financial planner to discuss issues such as spending, use of credit cards and financial goals. Goals should include the following: savings, pension contributions, retirement planning, debt, discretionary spending, school loans and the use of credit cards. How will you handle school loans and debt brought into the marriage? How much money can be spent without consulting the other. I usually recommend $100 to $300.

Family Ties and In-laws
A family is made up of many unique individuals, each with a range of thoughts and opinions on almost every subject and situation. Add to the mix extended family with their countless beliefs and personal opinions and there is no wonder there are disagreements from time to time. Conflict is simply the natural and healthy progression of any relationship

Some questions to explore – What sort of relationship do you have with your extended family? Are they local? Do they like your fiancée? Are they affectionate? Are they over-involved or critical? Have there been any major conflictual issues?

I suggest that couples begin to see themselves as their own family unit. When addressing family of origin, always say that “we” will have to discuss the event or holiday and that he or she should respond to their own family unit. This is especially true once children enter the picture. Now consider, if you want to see us come over………  This way the kids don’t have to get up open presents and get in the car! Now your doing what is best for family.

Religious Beliefs
This potentially contentious issue should always be discussed in premarital counseling. The first step is to seek a better understanding of your future spouse’s religious and spiritual background.
Topics to look into are:
• How to reconcile differing ideologies and practices
• How to observe and celebrate each other’s holidays
• How to raise children so that they are exposed to both partners’ traditions without being overwhelmed and/or confused
• How to integrate both extended families, especially during the wedding/holidays

Case Study:

Mark is not religious; Eileen is and expects to go to Church every week. What if they did marry and had children; would Mark go to Church then?
What if Mark is Catholic and Eileen is Jewish? Will one of you convert? Does it matter at all? What will the respective families say? That is a big question especially in regard to child rearing.

“What do you mean; you are not going to raise the baby Catholic? Jewish?” For some, the consequences of that decision may be long lasting or a deal breaker. It is clearly better to decide before marriage and tell both families about your decision. In discussions with the extended families, always use the phrase “we” have decided.

Children and Parenting
Do you want children? How many and when? Are there already children from previous relationships? Have you discussed blended family issues? What do you expect from your spouse regarding parenting/step parenting roles? When a problem arises, how does my partner communicate? What are the responsibilities of each parent in raising a child?

I strongly recommend that you have two to four years together as a couple before you have children. This time is critical, it gives you the opportunity to get to know one another as a married couple.

Children don’t bring you closer together; they create stress and sometimes distance especially if you and your intended are not on the same page regarding roles and responsibilities. And even more stress when ex’s and step in-laws are in the picture.

Blended families have a lot to discuss: the ex, custody issues, the in-laws, parenting, finances, loans, debt, child support, etc.. They especially need premarital counseling. I am surprised at how often these have not been fully addressed.

I believe that the children don’t come first; your relationship comes first. Now I know that is not true but if you divorce, it will be children that suffer most. Of course, my point is don’t forget to make time for your relationship after you have children. Planning for alone time or date night is a key component in addressing this issue. Take turns planning so the wife isn’t doing it all. But above all – Parent as a team! Be consistent with consequences. Discuss issues prior to discussing them with the children. What to say and how to say it.

Work, Lifestyle, Leisure and Fun
What sort of lifestyle do you want? Will you both continue to work when children are born? Do you have the same idea of what is fun? Where will you want to live?

Today most couples are comprised of two working parents. Couples want to maintain or improve the lifestyle they had going into the marriage. This is difficult in today’s economy and job market. For the first time in history, couples may not meet or exceed their parents’ lifestyle. The common expectations of employment today are long hours and work from home in the evening and on the weekend. This reduces quality time together. These forces necessitate compromise and making the most of the time you have together. Planning mutually enjoyable activities and social events and balanced with appropriate alone time is a key component in maintaining a strong relationship.

Final Thought
You may not feel you NEED premarital counseling, but it is still wise choice to consider. You may be on cloud nine with the impending marriage but counseling may help bring up and resolve some difficult topics. Better to discuss issues before marriage then with a divorce attorney later.

Zoom!

Now I can work via zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.

Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://manageyourmood.net
http://family-institute.org
http://psychologytoday.com
http://takenotelessons.com   Highly effective on line, one on one, SAT, ACT, GRE, standardized test preparation, via face time or skype.

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material with your doctor and therapist.

How to Cope with a mood disorder without Medication?

By: James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC
Senior Staff Therapist,
The Family Institute at Northwestern University

How to cope with a mood disorder.

It is good to have fun. Have fun! People with mood disorders often become engrossed in the past, consumed with depression and anxiety. They tend to have negative thoughts that just repeat over and over again. Learning to cope takes experiential learning with a CBT therapist.

Recreation and exercise

Recreation and exercise play a key role in management of symptoms. Especially cardio exercise such as walking is good maintenance of depression, anxiety and panic symptoms.  These are a great distraction when one is experiencing symptoms. Any physical activity is likely to be therapeutic.  Join a park district team, like softball or volleyball.  It’s a good social activity too!

Social activity

Regular social activity is important and healthy; get out with people at least 3 times per month. Consider joining the Park district, volunteering, church groups and activities, or working a shelter.  Find something!  Avoid alcohol.

Hobbies

Get a hobby!  Hobbies to consider? Try paint by number. It’s easy but it takes concentration.  Helps deal with negative thoughts and repeat that often accompany depression. You can also walk away easily by simply rinsing out the brush.  Plan 1/2 half hour per day.

Chores

Even chores can also help with distraction. Make a schedule of chores and stick to it.  Monday is vacuuming, Tuesday is laundry, etc. This also helps keep your living environment healthy.

Distraction from symptoms is an important coping skill. The tendency to isolate and withdraw also need to be overcome. The Internet, video games, TV or reading, generally do not qualify as distraction for most individuals.

Planning is key because mood disorders require structure. If you are going to have a good weekend, you will need to plan ahead to meet your exercise and social goals.

Unfortunately, sometimes these are just not enough, therefore medication will need to be considered.

When to consider medication?

I am sorry to have to say this but moderate to severe mood disorders require medication to control the symptoms. It’s all about chemistry. If you are diabetic, you would take insulin; you wouldn’t like it but you would do it.  This is no different.  It is just a chemical imbalance.

When coping skills don’t work, you will need to reconsider seeing a doctor and getting on medication. Even with medication, however, you will still need to practice coping skills.  Medication does 6o% and coping skills do the rest.  In these instances, the medication becomes the foundation and will help the coping skills work effectively.

Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC  847- 733-4300 Ext 638.

Home


http://family-institute.org

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

Learn how to manage your anxiety and depression!

By: James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC
Senior Staff Therapist,
The Family Institute at Northwestern University                                                                

Manage your anxiety and depression.

It is good to have fun. Have fun! People with mood disorders often become engrossed in the past, their disorder and relationship problems. They tend to ruminate about negative thoughts running over and over. Recreation and exercise (especially walking) are good for depression and anxiety and are a great distraction when one is experiencing symptoms. Any physical activity is likely to be therapeutic. Distraction from symptoms is an important coping skill. The tendency to isolate and withdraw also need to be overcome. The Internet, video games, TV or reading generally do not qualify as distraction for most individuals.

Lack of motivation is often a direct result of a mood disorder. If you wait to feel motivated, it may never happen. Walk 40 minutes per day at least 3-4 days per week with your doctor’s permission. Pick your days and let the day of the week make the decision for you. Do your chores and exercise on the days you have picked to do them. Try to have at least one social activity per week. Plan to have fun. Adding structure to your life addresses many common symptoms of a mood disorder but especially lack of motivation.

  • 40 minutes of cardio exercise, 4 times per week (doctor permitting).
  • Have at least three social activities per month.
  • Get a hobby.
  • Take your medication as prescribed.
  • Abstain/limit drug and alcohol use.
  • Be consistent.

Medication compliance is a huge part of symptom management.  If you are having an issue with your meds, contact your doctor or go to the ER.  If you can’t limit your alcohol use to 2 drinks twice per week then you shouldn’t have any.  Seek professional help.

zoom!
Now I can work via zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.  Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

Home


http://family-institute.org
http://takenotelessons.com     Effective online, one on one, SAT, ACT, GRE, standardized test preparation, via face time or skype and much more.

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

What are the symptoms of Severe Mental illness?

By: James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC
Senior Staff Therapist,
The Family Institute at Northwestern University

What are the symptoms of mental illness?

1. Positive Symptoms: (characterized by their presence)
a. Impaired contact with reality.
b. Hallucinations, delusions (often paranoid).
c. Thought disorders.
d. Thoughts of suicide, homicide

2. Negative Symptoms: (characterized by their absence)
a. Lack of pleasure, loss of interest and energy
b. Lack of goal-directed behavior.
c. Blunted affect.
d. Lack of insight.
e. Poverty of speech.
f.  Poor judgment.
g. Poor self care including hygiene.
h. lack of motivation.
i. Inability to structure time, poor concentration,

3. Interpersonal Relations
a. Asocial behavior, bizarre and inappropriate.
b. Withdrawal, isolation.
c. Lack of close personal ties.
d. Difficulty in getting along with people, irritable, angry.

4. Family Conflict
a. Crisis prone, police involvement.
b. Over involvement, overly intrusive family in trying to help.

Zoom!  Now I can work via zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.  Call 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://jamesdelgenio.com
http://family-institute.org
http://psychologytoday.com
http://takenotelessons.com

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

How to cope with a mood disorder!

By: James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC
Senior Staff Therapist,
The Family Institute at Northwestern University

Structure is needed when you have a mood disorders.

This form helps create structure around ones weekly activities and goals. People with mood disorders need structure to help manage their symptoms. You can also track your marital/relationship goals if you choose. This tool helps track progress toward any goal by adding structure to your week. Make multiple copies. Modify as needed; feel free to add or delete goals. Rate your mood 1 through 10. Ten is best.  Place copy on your refrigerator or someplace where you can check it daily. Mark the goals each day so that you can see the week in review.  Note your alcohol/drug use and your mood rating in the 3 days after use.  If your mood dips; connect the dots. Being consistent in your goals makes a huge difference in managing your mood. Try it!

Week of _________________

Mon     Tues     Wed     Thurs     Fri      Sat      Sun


Meds compliance


Cardio/walking


Social activity


Hobbies


Chores


Date night


Civility and respect


Sleep # of hours


 Drug, alcohol use


 Time out called


 Time out respected


Mood 1 – 10 best


Family meetings


Psychiatric apt.


This chart helps track progress toward goals and a structured week. Make multiple copies. Feel free to add or delete goals. Place it on your refrigerator or someplace where you can check it daily. You may find it useful; try it.

Note: Always consult with your doctor before starting any exercise program.

Zoom!
Now I can work via Zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it is currently covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.

Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://manageyourmood.net
http://family-institute.org

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

What are the Leading Causes of Relapse to Symptoms of Depression?

By: James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC
Senior Staff Therapist,
The Family Institute at Northwestern University

The Leading Causes of Relapse to Symptoms.

The causes of relapse to active symptoms of mood disorder have been well documented over the years. It’s no surprise that these reflect the relapse warning signs listed below.

They are:
• Medication non-compliance (Not taking the medication as prescribed).
• Alcohol and substance use and abuse.
• Little or no sleep.
• Lack of social support, isolation.

Non-compliance with medication and alcohol or substance use or abuse are by far the leading causes of relapse to symptoms. These are self-explanatory. However, little or no sleep and lack of social support also need to be addressed.

Sleep is an important issue for most with mood disorders. People with Bipolar disorders usually report that they don’t need much sleep. They have a tendency to play with their sleep/wake cycle. They like the euphoric hypomanic feeling that lack of sleep creates. It is very much like the moth and the flame. There is an attraction to the high that one gets when they are sleep deprived. Unfortunately, you can take anyone in the world and keep them awake for two, three or four days, they will become actively psychotic. For people with a mood disorder, sleep is a mental health issue.

Social support is also very much a part of maintaining good mental health. Even if one is compliant with medication and not using or abusing alcohol and drugs, social isolation can create considerable stress and ultimately cause a relapse to symptoms. It is imperative that people with mental disorders, have an avenue to combat their tendency to isolate and withdraw from people. I encourage my clients to maintain regular social contact. This contact creates reality testing. We don’t think of socialization as reality testing but it is. For example: You have an argument with your spouse; you call a friend and say here is what happened. What do you think? You get feedback on your situation and behavior. That is reality testing. Lack of social support may result in an inability to test the accuracy of what one is feeling or experiencing. This is obviously a very important component of maintaining good mental health.

Zoom!  Now I can work via zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative for more information.  Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://jamesdelgenio.com
http://family-institute.org
http://psychologytoday.com

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

Highly effective ACT, SAT test preparation and more!

Contact Take Note Lessons for all your academic, and music needs.

Is your child preparing for a standardized test? Let Take Note’s test preparation experts help. At Take Note, we believe in giving students a set of tools that will help them find success not only on their upcoming test, but will also help them excel in their future academic pursuits. Our unique mix of conventional and unconventional teaching methods are proven to help raise your child’s scores and, even more importantly, to increase his or her overall confidence.

James Delgenio, academic director of take note lessons, has been teaching standardized tests and helping students in math and writing full-time for over 10 years. His students have seen huge improvements in their test scores and grades. He is an expert in standardized test preparation. On the SAT, he has helped students improve their overall scores more than 400 points. On the ACT, one of his recent students raised her score from a 27 to a 33. Most of his students are accepted to their top choice school. Some of these schools include Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, University of Pennsylvania, University of Chicago, Vanderbilt, University of Michigan, NYU, USC, and many others.

James holds a Master of Fine Arts in writing from the American Film Institute. He received his Bachelor of Arts from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. He had perfect scores on the ACT math and science sections and the SAT II math II subject test. James brings this wealth of knowledge and experience to Take Note as a teacher and director of our academic programs.

Contact http://takenotelessons.com for quality academic tutoring, test preparation and guidance on writing the college application essay.

How to improve your love connection?

By James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC Senior Staff Therapist The Family Institute at Northwestern University

Planning is key to improving your relationship!
It is a hectic world we live in. Everything seems to take precedence over our relationships. Health issues, kids’ activities, work issues all take precedence. The next thing you know when you look back is that you haven’t had time for just the two of you in months!
All-in-all life just gets in the way so it’s easy to lose your connection to your significant other. The way to deal with this is to plan your quality time. Trade who gets to pick what you will do. Gentlemen don’t let her do all the planning; it takes the joy away for her. When you do get out that is not the time to talk about the kids or your issues with one another. Some couples even plan for intimacy which I have also seen work. The goal here is to reconnect but if it’s going to happen planning will be necessary. Put it on the calendar and have fun. It’s good to have fun. Have fun together! I’ll bet your level intimacy will improve also.

Zoom! Now I can work via Zoom with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS representative.

Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.

http://manageyourmood.net
http://family-institute.org

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.