How to parent effectively after a divorce?

James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC

The answer is as simple as it hard.

What is in the best interest of the children?

Remember, it is not about you or your ex! It’s not about who lied, was uncivil, disrespectful or unfaithful. It’s about making this difficult time in your children’s life as easy as possibly under extremely difficult circumstances.

It goes without saying, physical  abuse, alcohol, drug abuse, neglect, endangerment or what ever the reportable event will require legal authorization for supervision, limits and boundaries. Despite the obvious, each parent must ask themselves:

Am I doing all I can do?

Act accordingly, despite the feelings involved. The following provide a point for self-reflection. What is in the best interest of the children?

1. Try to parent as a team. Co-parenting can be difficult at best after a divorce. However, I have seen many couples who still attend family functions together and make a point of going out to dinner as a family on occasion. It goes without saying that they will swap visitation dates when their schedules dictate. This is more common then you might think. Regardless of the state of your relationship, try to be more cooperative. Try to made a little easier for the children. It can be done if you really are interested in doing what is best for the children.

2. Communicate with civility and respect. Remember the walls have ears. No badmouthing your ex. No matter how angry you are; you still need to do what is in the best interest of the children.
There are several apps that help couples collaborate on their schedules and calendars. These apps give parents the ability to coordinate their schedules in order to stay on the same page. This can be very useful when there is still tension with your ex.

3. If your ex grounds a child, you should honor that decision and continue it even if it’s your weekend. I do recommend that there be parameters put on such consequences.

4. Don’t bring a new love interest around the children. Some people ask me for a time when it’s OK to bring someone around. I think it depends on the children and their age and how they are adjusting to the divorce. If I’m forced to give a time, I say one year. Parents really need to examine their own feelings and keep those emotions separate from what is in the best interest of the children.

Not in the Chicago Area! Now I can work via face time with anyone, anywhere in the country and it may still be covered by BCBS Insurance. Check with your BCBS carrier for details.

For those in the metropolitan Chicago area, I have offices in Millennium Park on Michigan Avenue, and near 22nd St and Wolf Road in Westchester. Call James E. DelGenio MS, LCPC, Senior Staff Therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, 847-733-4300 Ext 638.   Effective on line, one on one, SAT, ACT, GRE, standardized test preparation, via face time or skype.

Disclaimer: This material is meant to be used in conjunction with psychiatric treatment, medication, if necessary, and supportive therapy. Always share this material and your questions about this material with your doctor and therapist.

Comments 65

  1. dep of education

    An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment. I think that you need to write more about this issue, it may not be a taboo subject but typically folks don’t talk about these topics. To the next! Many thanks!!

  2. island

    Great topic. I need to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for excellent information, I was looking for this information.

  3. health and fitness

    Hiya, I am really glad I have found this information. Today bloggers publish only about gossips and net and this is actually frustrating. A good website with interesting content, this is what I need. Thanks for keeping this web site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can’t find it.

  4. drinks

    I just want to mention I’m all new to blogs and certainly savored you’re web site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your site . You surely have good writings. Appreciate it for sharing your web page.

  5. ford esford

    I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an nervousness over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

  6. Black Diamond

    Needed to create you one very small note to say thanks once again relating to the stunning opinions you’ve provided on this site. This has been really unbelievably generous of people like you to present easily precisely what many individuals would’ve marketed as an ebook to make some dough for themselves, and in particular considering the fact that you might have tried it in case you desired. These pointers in addition acted as a great way to be aware that other people online have the identical zeal much like my personal own to know the truth good deal more when considering this problem. I’m certain there are thousands of more pleasant situations in the future for individuals who take a look at your blog post.

  7. Plumbing

    Usually I do not learn article on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do so! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, very great post.

  8. Folk Art

    Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us you really recognise what you are talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly additionally seek advice from my site =). We may have a hyperlink alternate contract among us!

  9. The Business

    Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was looking for this certain info for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  10. Family Happiness

    I enjoy you because of every one of your efforts on this blog. My mum enjoys conducting investigations and it is easy to understand why. We all notice all of the lively mode you make priceless things via your web blog and even foster response from website visitors on this issue while our own girl has always been learning so much. Have fun with the rest of the new year. You are performing a really good job.

  11. Department

    I was just searching for this information for a while. After 6 hours of continuous Googleing, finally I got it in your website. I wonder what’s the lack of Google strategy that don’t rank this kind of informative web sites in top of the list. Generally the top sites are full of garbage.

  12. Paid Surveys

    You could certainly see your skills within the paintings you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  13. Inexpensive Cars

    Thank you so much for giving everyone remarkably brilliant opportunity to read from this blog. It can be so good and also packed with amusement for me and my office friends to visit the blog minimum thrice in one week to learn the newest stuff you will have. Not to mention, we’re usually motivated considering the wonderful principles you give. Certain 3 areas on this page are essentially the simplest I’ve ever had.

  14. Lyndia Doggette

    Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information particularly the last part I care for such information a lot. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  15. Eugenio Delamora

    That fantabulous post this has been. Within no way seen this kind associated with useful post. I’m grateful to you and anticipate much more associated with posts such as. Thank you very much.

  16. Related Homepag

    I just could not leave your website prior to suggesting that I really loved the standard information a person provide for your visitors? Is going to be again steadily to investigate cross-check new posts

  17. higclass

    I just want to mention I’m all new to blogs and certainly savored you’re web site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your site . You surely have good writings. Appreciate it for sharing your web page.

  18. kobe shirts

    Appreciating the time and energy you put into your site and in depth information you present.
    It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material.
    Excellent read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  19. is cbd good for athletes

    Admiring the time and energy you put into your blog and in depth information you offer.
    It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed information. Excellent read!
    I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to
    my Google account.

  20. get phone number

    I have been surfing online greater than 3 hours nowadays, but I never found any attention-grabbing article like yours. It is lovely value sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers made good content material as you did, the internet will be a lot more helpful than ever before.|

  21. jordan shoes

    I definitely wanted to write a quick note so as to appreciate you for those stunning items you are giving on this site. My time-consuming internet investigation has now been compensated with high-quality points to exchange with my two friends. I would claim that many of us website visitors are truly blessed to be in a fine place with very many wonderful individuals with beneficial tricks. I feel somewhat privileged to have encountered your entire web pages and look forward to tons of more amazing times reading here. Thanks once again for all the details.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *